- You
believe the AIDS virus is spread by a
lack of funding.
- You
believe you have to be against capital
punishment but for abortion on demand;
in short, you support protecting the
guilty and killing the innocent.
- You
believe that trial lawyers are selfless
heroes and doctors are overpaid.
- You
believe that guns in the hands of law
abiding Americans are more of a threat
than nuclear weapons in the hands of
Chinese communists.
- You
believe that global temperatures are
less affected by cyclical, documented
changes in the brilliance of the sun,
and more affected by yuppies driving
SUVs.
- You
believe that gender roles are artificial
but being gay is natural.
- You
believe that businesses create
oppression and governments create
prosperity.
- You
believe that hunters don't care about
nature but pasty, revisionist activists
who've never been outside Seattle do.
- You
believe self-esteem is more important
than actually doing something to earn
it.
- You
believe there was no art before federal
funding.
- You
believe there was no housing before HUD.
- You
believe the military, not corrupt
politicians start wars.
- You
believe the free market that gives us
500+ channels can't deliver the quality
that PBS does.
- You
believe that without a federal
Department of Energy there would be no
gasoline or electricity.
- You
believe the NRA is bad, because they
stand up for certain parts of the
Constitution, while the ACLU is good,
because they stand up for certain parts
of the Constitution
- You
believe that taxes are too low but ATM
fees are too high.
- You
believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar
Chavez and Gloria Steinem are more
important to American history than
Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee
or Thomas Edison.
- You
believe that standardized tests are
racist, but racial quotas and set-asides
aren't.
- You
believe second-hand smoke is more
dangerous than anthrax or sarin gas.
- You
believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady
and Rosie O'Donnell is brilliant.
- You
believe conservatives are racists, but
that black people couldn't make it
without your help.
- You
believe the only reason socialism hasn't
worked anywhere it's been tried is
because the right people haven't been in
charge.
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